This was the menu for The Florida Room (Sat night's bar of choice). Amy g. got the fairy...strike that...she got fairieS. Though it produces a flush whilst ordering, it does indeed taste like it was made by magical fairy hands. HANDS, people.This weekend was filled with family and TV. In the meantime, I have no idea what is happening in the world. I get like this from time to time. Very anti-news and current events. Then I go slightly mad from my ignorance and I begin to binge on information. You'll know when that happens, because it will be reflected in my posts. Less personal shenanigans and more haughty global opinion pieces. Look forward to it.
I can't believe it's October 8th. Do you know what that means? It means I'm really close to turning 28. Well, I still have til February of next year, but that's practically tomorrow. Blurgh.
There's a dude in my office who is so incredibly gay. He's the reason for stereotypes down to the way he stands. It's so obvious that it makes some of the more..."traditional" men in the office a little uncomfortable. Idiots. Anyway, last week said coworker, we'll call him Gaylord, come up to me and wants to ask my opinion on something. I say ok. He then launches into a story of getting totally into some girl he met in a bar and thought they had a really great time, but in the week following hasn't answered his phone call or a text message and what do I think that means. Here's why Gaylord bugs me.
1. People in the office are always asking me for dating advice. Seriously, like my dating history isn't a candidate for a bad reality show? I mean, most of them were around when I went on train wreck date after train wreck date. What is wrong with you people? Talk to someone who's been married 20 years or something!
2. Dude, I know you're gay. YOU know you're gay. Everyone knows you're gay. You're not fooling anyone by publicly announcing that you hit on women. Look at me. Do I look like the type to judge you based on your sexual preferences? Footwear, yes. Lifestyle, no. Well, maybe just a little, but usually I err on the side of judging conservatives. What can I say, nobody's perfect. Except me. 20 lbs lighter. And 4 inches taller. With thicker hair.
3. Your hair is AWFUL. You want to ask my advice, ask me what to do about your comb over. THAT I can help with. It probably is a direct link to your unreturned call and text too, if you catch my drift.
See why I need to do an advice column? People need me.
Speaking of which, don't forget to send your personal problems to jivecooky at yahoo dot com. I'll be answering one tomorrow. Or soon. Whichever comes first.
