Homework

When considering only their mustaches and not their lives...who is more tragic...Dali or Hemingway?


Think about it for a bit and get back to me. Best answer gets cookies.*





*Cookies will be chocolate chip and baked by me so taste cannot be vouched for. They'll be sent to the winner via USPS within one day of completion whenever that day actually happens to be.

Sleep is for Pansies

I'm currently operating on a different plane. The other one. The non-lucid, head-floaty, could probably talk me into a ponzi scheme plane. The one where people are talking to you but you can only look at them blankly before shaking your head and saying, "what?". That plane. Some people call that plane "jet lag". I think that's a negative term for something that allows you to see fairies. And Elvis. With fairies. It's the plane for selecting lotto numbers. And art. And lipstick colors. It's the reason for printed warnings regarding operating heavy machinery. And ABBA. I think you see.

Some people think you have to ingest something to reach this plane. Pharmaceuticals or organic matter best left planted in the earth. But you don't. All you have to do is be awake on one side of the world and then continue to be awake on the other. That's it. Easy.

Now you try. Then we can maybe choose lipsticks together.

Cable is Pointless

So..I've lain in bed for a while and stared at the ceiling. Nothing. I've watched the end of three different movies on various cable channels. Talladega Nights is always funny, the other two sucked. Gave up on TV. I've picked up and put down two different books. I've played with the cat...she's being a jerk. I've tried to blog...not feeling much in the way of cleverness. I've cleaned the bathroom, started the dishwasher and put away the clean laundry that's been sitting on my bedroom floor for two weeks. Not even a yawn. And now I'm slouched on my orange couch listening to an episode of Family Guy and starring at this stupid computer. It's making that choking noise again. I long for sleep...but the eyes won't close.

Why?

Because I have an early ass meeting in the morning.

Whenever I have to get up earlier than I normally do, I can't sleep the night before. This has always been the case for me. As a kid, the night before the first day of school was torture. Crack of dawn appointments have me staring at the mean red digital numbers at least once an hour. And when it comes to a good night's sleep...an early AM flight is the kiss of death. Does this happen to anyone else? Even if it does, I don't see how it would help me get to sleep. You should realize that. Selfish.

I need a bedtime story. Feel free to take it upon yourselves, dear readers, and send me one. A good one. No fairytales. Those just set unrealistic expectations.

Ugh. Don't mind me. I'm just grumpy. I'm sleepy and bored and uninspired. A trifecta of dissatisfaction. And I've already seen this Family Guy episode.