The Post Wherein I Give A Kanye West-Style FUCK YOU to Idiots

As of today, 31 of the states who've put gay marriage on a ballot for the popular vote have shot it down. Look - there's obviously some confusion. Let me break it down:

People = People

Women = People (remember, they used to not be allowed to own property or vote)

Black People = People (remember, they used to not be allowed anything at all)

Gay People = People (currently not thought of as people unless someone needs a decorator)

Anyone who comes at me with "it's a choice" can take that argument to EVERY CONSERVATIVE FIGURE WHO HAS EVER HAD A GAY SEX SCANDAL BROUGHT OUT TO THE PUBLIC. People like:
Robert Allen - Florida State Rep
Larry Craig - Idaho Senator
Mark Foley - Florida Stat Rep
Ted Haggard - Pastor of the New Life Church
And they just keep on coming......

IF YOU, as a person, say that a group of people CANNOT do something everyone else of-age gets to do simply because YOU, as a person, do not agree with something about the group of people that is a part of their biological makeup...THAT IS BIGOTRY. THAT IS DISCRIMINATION. THAT IS HATE. And this is YOU. Accept it.

At the same time - someone needs to get the point across that MARRIAGE IS NOT SACRED. All people can end it any time for any reason. And they do. Over 50% of the people who enter into those vows eventually say "eh", label it "irreconcilable differences" and end the union. At the same time, there are untold numbers of marriages that keep on keeping on filled with infidelity...convenience over love...domestic violence, etc. How can gay people have any effect either negatively or positively over the institution as we know it? How? Really. I want to know. Tell me. I want to understand.

Real love is so fucking rare...millions of people will never even get a chance at it. So, if a people is lucky enough to find another people they want to be with for the rest of their life (regardless of whether or not that actually happens), who the FUCK are you, or me to tell them...sorry, but sodomy is only for the heteros. No hospital visitation rights for you. But wasn't it just like the real thing when you had symbolic ring exchange ceremony in the park that half your relatives refused to attend. No? Whiner.

Bah.

Fairies Need To Earn A Living Too

This was the menu for The Florida Room (Sat night's bar of choice). Amy g. got the fairy...strike that...she got fairieS. Though it produces a flush whilst ordering, it does indeed taste like it was made by magical fairy hands. HANDS, people.

This weekend was filled with family and TV. In the meantime, I have no idea what is happening in the world. I get like this from time to time. Very anti-news and current events. Then I go slightly mad from my ignorance and I begin to binge on information. You'll know when that happens, because it will be reflected in my posts. Less personal shenanigans and more haughty global opinion pieces. Look forward to it.

I can't believe it's October 8th. Do you know what that means? It means I'm really close to turning 28. Well, I still have til February of next year, but that's practically tomorrow. Blurgh.

There's a dude in my office who is so incredibly gay. He's the reason for stereotypes down to the way he stands. It's so obvious that it makes some of the more..."traditional" men in the office a little uncomfortable. Idiots. Anyway, last week said coworker, we'll call him Gaylord, come up to me and wants to ask my opinion on something. I say ok. He then launches into a story of getting totally into some girl he met in a bar and thought they had a really great time, but in the week following hasn't answered his phone call or a text message and what do I think that means. Here's why Gaylord bugs me.

1. People in the office are always asking me for dating advice. Seriously, like my dating history isn't a candidate for a bad reality show? I mean, most of them were around when I went on train wreck date after train wreck date. What is wrong with you people? Talk to someone who's been married 20 years or something!

2. Dude, I know you're gay. YOU know you're gay. Everyone knows you're gay. You're not fooling anyone by publicly announcing that you hit on women. Look at me. Do I look like the type to judge you based on your sexual preferences? Footwear, yes. Lifestyle, no. Well, maybe just a little, but usually I err on the side of judging conservatives. What can I say, nobody's perfect. Except me. 20 lbs lighter. And 4 inches taller. With thicker hair.

3. Your hair is AWFUL. You want to ask my advice, ask me what to do about your comb over. THAT I can help with. It probably is a direct link to your unreturned call and text too, if you catch my drift.

See why I need to do an advice column? People need me.

Speaking of which, don't forget to send your personal problems to jivecooky at yahoo dot com. I'll be answering one tomorrow. Or soon. Whichever comes first.