Someone Needs A Little Drop of Poison

Bad news folks. Yet another budding young actress has earned my scorn.

This may be old news to some, but it’s taken me several days to be able to write these words without throwing up a little in my mouth:

Scarlett Johansson is going to release an album. Of her singing. Tom Waits covers.

Who the FUCK does she think she is?

I’m obviously upset by this news. Like people who were angered by that New York artist who stuck a crucifix in a glass of piss…I kind of feel that this album will be the aural version of that. Bitch.

I just don’t understand what she’s doing. For that matter, I don’t really understand remakes. There are maybe a handful of acceptable exceptions in this world…but it should be generally agreed upon that no one can do Tom Waits better than Tom Waits. 80% of his musical genius is his voice…which doesn’t sound an iota like a 23 year old girl’s. Thank Yahweh.

I’d like to be able to move on into the smattering of good news that made this week bearable…but I just can’t. The above story trickles down into all the good things and makes them smell rotten. Like the vegetable drawer in my fridge that I’m afraid to open. I’m gonna make Kansas do it.

I got called a curmudgeon at work yesterday. Twas awesome.