On The Eve of The Big Event...

I know most people don't give a good goddamn about the Oscars, but I've been watching them faithfully ever since I was a wee one. And since they're tomorrow, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the Academy Award nominations for Best Picture with you all. And you're gonna shut up and like it.


Up in the Air
I saw it. It was cute. But I'll tell you this - any movie that has an "Oh my god, it's Young MC! Let's dance!" moment is not an Oscar contender.





Avatar
I haven't seen this movie yet. Want to know why? Because I don't want to have to see a movie "just for the awesome effects". Now that the technology exists, I'm going to WAIT until they find a way to merge those awesome effects with a FUCKING DECENT STORYLINE. One that may or may not involve blue people.



District 9
I walked away from this movie feeling like Nigerians must be the worst people on Earth. Though it may not have been the intended consequence - it still left a bad taste in my mouth. My friends tell me to stop being so sensitive. But then I tell them to shut up, so it all evens out.



An Education
This was a fanfuckingtastic film with the exception of Peter Sarsgaard's sad English accent. But it suffers from Vera Drake (Mike Leigh) syndrome...as in - it will not win due to the inclusion of the following elements:
a. It's British
b. It's too quiet. Thoughtful and filled with dialogue. Not a single explosion.
c. The heroine's journey - though a definable journey - is not epic. There's no racial or spacial divide to cross...it's just youth and we've all been there.
d. Everyone agrees that things were fucked up in the 60s.
That being said, the best part of the movie is Rosamund Pike. Anyone who can pull off playing a ditz while remaining likable as a character is truly amazing acting.


The Hurt Locker
B and I saw this when it first came out and no one was talking about it yet. I don't remember why. I think maybe we're drawn to titles with "Hurt" in them. Or maybe "Locker". B really loved this movie. Really loved it. I...appreciated it. There were some beautifully bleak scenes and some fun (as much as you can use that word in a war movie) cameos - and I definitely could get behind the message. But I'm a little desensitized to war films, so they take a lot to impress me. But you know...you should see it anyway.


The Blind Side
Are you fucking kidding me?! A blond Sandra Bullock?! Football?! Rich white lady helps poor black teenager!? The SOUTH?! TIM MCGRAW?! Come on.




Inglourious Basterds
I just recently saw this one. I know, how behind the times can you get, right? I wanted to like it more than I did. The first 30 minutes are awesome. The last 30 minutes are awesome. Eli Roth is strangely awesome. But I really do just hate Quentin Tarantino, his obsession with the 70s - everything he stands for. And I want someone to slap his chin right off his face.


Precious
This was in theaters (and very few of them) for a depressingly short time and I didn't make it. However - the preview makes me cry. Photos from the film make me cry. Mo'Nique accepting her Golden Globe made me cry. Seeing Mariah Carey's face on screen normally makes me cry (for an all together different reason) - but in this role, I'm able to hold it in.


A Serious Man
I have not seen this yet, not for lack of trying. Things keep getting in the way, and I'm beginning to take it personally. Yes, I'm talking to you, Universe. I've heard good things - but I think we all know that the Coen Bros. have recently had their day in the red-carpeted sun and this nomination is just to let them know they're not forgotten. Also - the main actor looks disturbingly like a young Robin Williams. Anyone else notice this?


Up
When this was in the theaters, I told Brendan to plan to see it when I was out of town. According to him, this is because I have no soul and hate all things good in the world (children, puppies, etc.). He might be right. However. It's not going to win.





MY PREDICTION
Stupid-faced Avatar will win. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. James Cameron knows it. Cocky bastard. You can see it in his facial hair. And when he does - I plan on yelling and shaking my angry red-wine encased in glass fist (Oscar party) that Precious was ROBBED. And then we'll move on to other things, like who looks the most anorexic in their dress.

You Ask Me ONE More Time...

Everybody’s pushing me to vote. Don’t fucking rush me! I do my voting like I do my taxes…at the last possible second. I thrive under pressure.

Oregon may “decide” the democratic candidate. I may decide it by pushing over one of those Hillary Clinton sign holding crazies standing in the bike lane on the Burnside bridge. Up until now I’ve just been narrowing my eyes at them as I pass. I doubt this has much of an effect as I’ve also been wearing sunglasses. But I like to think they can feel the steely gaze. But we have something like 200 super delegates, so “they say” that by the time we have our primary…if Obamyomama wins Oregon, whatever unimportant states that are left won’t have enough super delegates to make a difference. That makes us awesome. And not to be fucked with. If only for the fact that we have killer beavers here that can devour your face in two seconds flat if you look at them funnilly. Saw it happen once. Still have nightmares.

But enough about politics. This shit bores me.

It doesn’t actually, but I like to wear nonchalance like an accessory.

The Waif, ty and the Face move out this weekend. I’ll miss them. I’m sure they won’t miss my cramped little place but it’s been fun having them here. Quality time with the Face is always appreciated…especially since I taught him the In Living Color Men on Film snap and he’s freakishly adorable when he does it. But now that they’re leaving, I’ll be missing out on these kinds of little precious moments brought to you by the letter W, the number 8 and my sister feeding the Face olives:

theWaif: My god, Beckett…you’re just an olive whore, aren’t you ?
Me: Laura, you just called your son a whore.
theWaif: Well he IS!

Precious fucking moments.

And in case you don't know the snap I am referring to because you're either too young or living in a box in the middle of the Gobi: