This Is You All Up In My Business

This week blows. You ever have a week that just blows? And by the time it's Wednesday night, all you want to do is drink old wine and get through the next day so you can go with your coworkers to the Tillamook Macaroni & Cheese cookoff contest @ Kell's Irish Pub and drink yourself into overeating. That's all.

By the way, have you seen The Night of the Hunter? Rent it. Right now. I'm not even joking.

Consider that my review. I'm awesome.

AND for some reason we seem to have free HBO this week. Of all the bad timing. It's like the cable gods WANT me to punch them in the nads.

In other self-involved news, I have to go back on evil evil birth control pills because I keep getting hemorrhagic ovarian cysts. I'm not excited. I stopped taking hormonal birth control several years ago because I was the 5% that experienced horrible side effects for EVERY METHOD ON THE MARKET. But let me just say...hemorrhagic cysts are the devil. And I'm not talking about the Burgess Meredith or Elizabeth Hurley devil. I'm talking about the Tim Curry from Legend devil. You don't fuck around with that. Ever.
So now I will probably gain even more weight and go up another fucking cup size (I'm going to have to start wearing a back brace), but I'm sure Brendan will enjoy the halting of hormonal mood swings that inspire me to call him a girl to his face. And I'll actually have less pain in my life overall. So that's good. Plus no accidental babies. Don't want those until I'm ready to buy them.

My Ass

Yesterday I fell down my stairs.

I walked in...hands full...shoes wet from the rain and near the bottom, my lower back landed on the edge of a single stair. I believe after that some swearing ensued.

Good news is, I've only "deeply bruised" my tailbone as opposed to breaking my back, so that's positive. Bad news is, I sit in an office all day...so that's going to suck for the next few weeks.

The worst news is...I feel like a FOOL!

Anyway, I had to go to the Urgent Care clinic to make sure there was no crackage and I worked from home today in the classic Cleopatra-style...on my side...with slave boys hand feeding me grapes.

What's amazing about women (like me, oh how I enjoy generalizing) is their ability to still have messed up perspective on things even when they're in immense amounts of pain. I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit...I couldn't lay comfortably, and yet, here's what went down with Marie on IM today:

kara: phooey. i got weighed at the dr.s last night and almost cried. some more.
kara: seriously
Marie: i think when you bruise, you weigh more. that's my medical opinion
Marie: if you think about it, stair climbing helps you lose weight. so the opposite would be true that if you go down the stairs, you gain weight
kara: wow. how would you like to be my personal physician?
Marie: so if you fell down the stairs, you gain weight super fast
kara: NICE. yes, that has to be it. there's no other reason for it.

See? Effed up.